Defense of Akin "legitimate rape" comments assured win.
photo credit: Gage Skidmore
IGHT-WING CNN commentator Dana Loesch was awarded the highly competitive "Ann Coulter Worse Than A Man" award at a CNN ceremony Monday evening, in honor of her "uncannily male-like insensitivity to matters pertaining to women's issues in society."
CNN's Wolf Blitzer presented Ms. Loesch with the award, a twelve-inch gold statue of Ann Coulter shouting at a cowering female child at her feet.
The statue represents, said Blitzer, "the passing down to a new generation of girls the time-honored traditions of sexism usually conferred by complete male pigs like Congressman Todd Akin of Missouri. But Ann Coulter has changed all that, and now Dana, I'm proud to say, is Ms. Coulter's equal, right here at CNN."
Loesch accepted the award "on the condition, Wolf, that you stop using that nauseating prefix 'Ms.' and that you put me in my place as soon as the festivities end," a comment that drew wild applause from the all-male audience.
CNN's Loesch was not thought to be a shoo-in for the coveted award, seeing how her competition included every single female personality on the Fox Network.
However, Loesch's tweets in support of Congressman Akin's remark that a woman's uterus would somehow know to reject the sperm of a "legitimate rape" sent her prospects, as one award voter said, "into the stratosphere in a matter of seconds."
The voter, who spoke on condition of anonymity "so those feminazis don't get my name and force my daughters into lesbian prostitution," said his personal favorite of Loesch's string of tweets "was the one where she says that Akin was providing us with a 'medical explanation,' which I don't think even I, as a card-carrying man, could have thought up on my own."
Ann Coulter released a statement in support of the award panel's decision, despite her disappointment "for my good friend and fellow worse than a man, Michele Malkin."
Ms. Coulter called Loesch's Akin tweets "some of the best reading material I've enjoyed since I wrote that 9/11 widows were out to make a buck on their husbands' deaths. Top notch, Dana!"
Much like the Academy Awards' Oscar, the Worse Than A Man award is expected to place Dana Loesch much more in demand than previously.
"She's already been asked to condemn the Augusta National's decision to allow female members into its golf club," said Wolf Blitzer, glowingly. "Ann Coulter, move over."
© 8.22.12 Kate Heidel