Amy Winehouse Discovers Dead Sea Scroll In Beehive

Historical relevance of teased hair being reassessed.

CHOLARS OF THE Dead Sea Scrolls, ancient Hebrew texts previously found only in caves near the West Bank, announced that the latest scroll was discovered when singer Amy Winehouse plunged a hand into her voluminous beehive to extract a vial of cocaine, around which the scroll had become wrapped.

Said one appreciative researcher, "Although we can't condone the use of illicit drugs, we're delighted that Ms. Winehouse chose this moment in history to retrieve her vial of cocaine. Scholars the world over are extremely gratified to have in their possession a text that may close some of the gaps in our understanding. We can only hope that she has additional vials of more pleasant things to retrieve in the near future."

Ms. Winehouse had apparently mistaken the dead sea scroll for a hot-air roller that had gone missing in 2002, and promptly tossed the prized artifact into a spare bedroom reserved as the singer's hair-construction warehouse. Her friend, Jeremy Firth, taken by its mysterious script, salvaged the scroll and hand-delivered it to the British Museum to be examined.

When asked what had made him think the scroll might be of historical significance, Mr. Firth modestly replied, "Oh, well it's just one thing leading to another, isn't it."

Mr. Firth also said he was sure that when Ms. Winehouse awakened "sometime next week" she would be thrilled to learn that her beehive had offered up a rare contribution to history, adding, "Perhaps Madame Tussauds will now place her figure alongside the scientists and discoverers."