Automakers Issue Joint Recall of 'Every Vehicle Ever Assembled'

Say resulting lack of guesswork for consumers a "real plus."

Parking lot
photo credit: ColumbusCameraOp

N THE WAKE OF this week's auto recall by Toyota of 2.7 million vehicles, automakers around the globe issued a joint statement this morning to announce their decision to recall "every vehicle ever assembled" that is still on the road, "or even just sitting in your driveway."

A spokeswoman, reading from the automakers' statement, said that the recall "while an inconvenience to our big consumer family, is necessary to ensure their safety."

When questioned by reporters, the spokeswoman said, "Just think of it this way: eventually we would have recalled every vehicle anyway. I mean, 2.7 million here, 1.5 million there. We're just doing it all at once to get it over with."

The statement indicated that taxi cabs and stretch limos also would be affected. However, buses would remain on the road, "because those are much too safe for us to have manufactured," the spokeswoman explained.

"Our recall means you might need to take a bus to the airport, or think about converting your stretch limo party into a stretch Jacuzzi party," the spokeswoman said.

"That actually sounds like a lot of fun, now that I'm saying it out loud. Where do I sign up?!" she added.

In closing, the spokeswoman said, "Our 'Total Recall,' which is our little name for it, will eliminate all guesswork. That is a real plus for our consumers. No more asking yourself, 'Is my car included in this recall?' Now we can tell you with confidence, 'Of course it is, silly!'"