Newt Gingrich and Tiffany Unveil 'Poverty Bauble' for the Little People

Cheap metal chain is extra.

EPUBLICAN presidential candidate Newt Gingrich—recently under fire after revelations of his lavish Tiffany purchases came to light during a time of financial hardship for millions of Americans—has just announced that he and the upscale jeweler will soon unveil Tiffany's latest creation, the Poverty Bauble.

Gingrich said the idea of a Tiffany purchase that everyone could afford occurred to him one night as he saw a man coming out of Tiffany with the telltale blue box in hand.

"I thought, 'Every American man should be able to present his lovely lady with something from Tiffany in one of their little blue boxes.' But then I thought 'I must be losing my mind,' because only about four hundred men could afford Tiffany in the way I have done for my various wives.

"And then I thought, 'What if Tiffany offers a little bauble for the little people for a limited time only?' That's when I got on the horn, and, voilà, the Poverty Bauble, which sells for the humiliatingly low price of just $149.95.

"But wait, there's more! No, actually there isn't," chuckled Gingrich. "I just thought it would be fun to say that."

The Tiffany Poverty Bauble will be on sale for two weeks only, beginning the Fourth of July. A Tiffany spokesman said security during this period would be "tight as Fort Knox" in preparation for what he called "the inevitable clientele depreciation."

Mr. Gingrich said that Tiffany would also offer "a cheap but still quite tasteful" metal chain for its Poverty Bauble for $19.95.

"You're not paying for the cheapness of the metal so much as the Tiffany name," explained Gingrich, who would not comment on rumors that neither bauble nor chain would bear a Tiffany mark of authenticity.

"I am not a jeweler," said Gingrich. "I am a very wealthy man who buys things at a high-end jeweler's shop. If you can't see the distinction to be made here, maybe you shouldn't be a reporter."

L.A. stylist Rachel Zoe said the Poverty Bauble and chain could be worn "with so many, like, vintage furs. But I literally can't tell you how versatile this piece is for the little people, because I don't know any, OK?"

However, the Tiffany spokesman was more reticent on the bauble's fashion possibilities.

"We don't care what you do with it," said the spokesman. "Just don't come back until your ship comes in."