Some Tea Baggers Caught Steeping, Not Protesting

Resulting sip sessions are taking some fight out of the movement.

N A development many tea-bag manufacturers are calling "inevitable," a significant portion of the arch tea-baggers movement has stumbled upon the relaxing pleasures of sipping a nice hot cup of tea. The result is a mellowing faction of the right-wing protest group that has, as one tea bagger observed, "chosen to steep rather than stomp."

Jenny Mayer, a tea bagger representing the state of Kansas, said her story "was probably pretty typical." While protesting against Obama in a local park, Ms. Mayer said she became "kind of worn out, and then I saw this concession stand selling coffee.

"I figured I already had plenty of protest tea bags with me to hand out to the press, so why don't I just ask the guy for some hot water," continued Ms. Mayer. "So I steeped one of my bags, and boy if that wasn't completely refreshing! And by then I had pretty much calmed down and just started strolling through the park handing out leaflets instead of going to all the bother of chaining myself to a fence and yelling bloody murder for the news people."

Ms. Mayer said that she and her new friends, who call themselves "the tea steepers" meet for tea every Saturday morning, "and just chat about ordinary stuff. You know, our jobs, our hobbies, how Obama is trying to get our white daughters married off to his 35 cousins in Kenya to be their concubine slaves. It's so relaxing!"

The marketing department at Lipton, not wanting to miss out on the tea steepers demographic, is hammering out an ad campaign to convert more baggers to what they're calling "our special blend of the finest tea leaves and good old fashioned liberal-fascist-hating bergamot oil." Meanwhile, Celestial Seasonings has already created a new tea just for the steepers called "Lavender Protest," a caffeine-free blend that CS claims "will calmly heighten your sense of outrage with our pleasing hint of gentle lavender and capitalist-caressing chamomile."

"Mmm," said Ms. Mayer, "they both sound righteously satisfying!"