Spitzer Gives Ethics Speech at Harvard, Keeps Laughing over Sheer Irony

Pretty soon the whole place was roaring.

AST THURSDAY'S ethics speech given at Harvard by former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was said to have been quite a hit, despite concerns early on when Mr. Spitzer began interrupting himself with laughter over what he called "the absurd irony of a bastard like me giving a speech on ethics."

"We thought he might not be able to get through the whole speech," said Lawrence Lessig, director of the foundation that invited Mr. Spitzer. "He just kept bursting out into uncontrollable fits of laughter. At one point he said, 'Isn't this just so rich? I'm a lying, abusive, blackmailing s.o.b. and you've invited me to speak on ethics! I can't stand it!!' But then he would compose himself and start reading from his script again. All in all I think it went rather well, considering," giggled Professor Lessig.

The main bullet points of the former governor's speech, according to his 23-year-old secretary, Trixie, were: "1. How if you're a total creep you should definitely apologize right up front, like. Then number 2 is his undying love for his lovely wife, and how it totally saved him from being even more of an unethical creep than he already is. And how you can use the support of your wife, or hubby, as the case may be, to make of yourself a fine, upstanding person who doesn't ever ever fool around with nobody, especially not your secretary! And number—where was I? Oh, thanks, sweetie—number 3! How we can all learn from our most terrible, stupid mistakes to become a better person. I think there might have been one or two other numbers, but you get the point, right?"

The former governor's speech was intended to last for 35 minutes, to be followed by 15 to 20 minutes of Q and A. However, with Mr. Spitzer's continued interruptions for ironic laughter and the crowd's appreciative response, all questions were saved for the luncheon afterward at a posh local restaurant. Mr. Spitzer reportedly offered to drive "as many of you horny bastards as I can fit into one Lexus!" and was swamped with takers.

Mr. Spitzer later downplayed the success of his speech and the rumored raucousness of the after party.

"I'm just trying in my small way to atone for all the inexcusable wrongs I have committed," said the former governor. "If I was able to bring a little laughter to an otherwise low-key, sober event, then to that I plead guilty."

"Aww, shoot, now why did he have to go ahead and do a thing like that?" asked a perturbed Trixie. "Does that mean I have to go out there and find a new sugar da—I mean a new boss?"