"Be my little baby, or you'll be sorry," croons the new vocal phenom that's taking the world of corrections by storm!
USIC PRODUCER and convicted felon Phil Spector, not one to sit on his hands in stir, has wasted no time in forming a singing trio at the California State Prison facility. In a nod to his wildly popular 60s female vocal group, The Ronettes, The Con-ettes—decidedly not petite females, but rather three highly tattooed and burly male inmates known by all as Junk, Fathead, and Akeem—also perform a tight three-part harmony, but in conjunction with a customized prison version of Mr. Spector's Wall of Sound production values, a thundering cavernous effect Spector has dubbed the Wall of Life without Parole.
When asked whether the group minded their moniker being fashioned after one with the feminine ending "ette" Fathead replied, "Huh?"
The Con-ettes have already performed their opening gala to a raucous and largely appreciative inmate audience in the prison cafeteria. One especially enthusiastic convict, Joey the Mincer, got so worked up over the Con-ettes' version of Be My Little Baby that he cut off the ear of the man next to him so he could, as he put it, "give somethin' special to the boys as a token of my appreciation." Joey is consequently serving three weeks in solitary, which friends insist Joey said was well worth it "to see that look of joy on Fathead's big ugly mug."
Mr. Spector is already crossing the days off the wall of his prison cell as he lays plans for a no-holds-barred holiday special in December.
Observed Con-ette falsetto master Akeem, "Phil says you can't start too early for the holidays, and we ain't got nothin' much else to do except wash floors and smuggle in drugs and knives. I mean, not smuggle in drugs and knives."
Working with a bevy of outside song-writing artists, Spector is believed to be fast compiling a rousing repertoire of all-original holiday tunes for a grueling rehearsal schedule set to begin no later than July 31.
"Good ol' Phil here has promised that if we do this right, we could make the big time," said Junk, sounding encouraged.
"But, like, if we screw it up, Phil says he'll shoot us all dead like old dogs," Junk added. "You gotta respect a guy like that, y'know?"
© 6.29.09 Kate Heidel
