No more free-ride abductions and colonizing Earth.
OVERNOR Jan Brewer of Arizona, coming under fire for the controversial new law requiring anyone pulled over by Arizona police to provide evidence of American citizenship, has promised to add wording to the bill "to ensure that space aliens are not given special treatment by law enforcement, just because they are scarier than Mexican aliens and can put humans in a trance and then do to us what they will."
The amendment requires that anyone suspected of being a space alien "must provide evidence of American citizenship, and if such evidence is not produced at the officer's request, the space alien shall be escorted to their landing pad in Roswell, New Mexico, for immediate return to their home planet, or face steep fines and/or jail time, providing they do not first zap police with hypnotic rays that render our officers powerless to execute their duties."
Governor Brewer admitted that enforcing the new amendment "will place special challenges on local law enforcement," but insisted that the additional wording was necessary "to illustrate to the rest of the country that we are equally hostile to all aliens, whether they hail from Mexico, a distant galaxy, or New York City."
Likewise, Americans who knowingly associate with illegal space aliens by hiring them to do lawn work, for example, or by agreeing to become human experimental subjects for the edification of the alien planet, will be criminally charged the same as for any unsanctioned business arrangement with earth-sourced aliens.
"We can't have one standard for Americans who truck in Mexican illegals to do harvesting work and another for Americans who help space aliens secretly colonize small villages for eventual world domination," insisted Governor Brewer, adding, "Believe me, I understand from personal experience the temptation of free space rides at warp speed, but border security must be our first priority going forward."
The Governor reiterated her insistence that no one in Arizona would be pulled over simply because they don't happen to look like a white earthling.
"Given our diverse population in Arizona, we know perfectly well that just because you happen to look like a space alien doesn't mean you're not actually an American citizen," stated Governor Brewer. "Some people just have long pointy bald heads and black eye holes shaped like pods. As long as you present the officer with a valid driver's license with photo id, and your vehicle's registration is current, you are free to go about your business not enslaving the earth."
© 5.4.10 Kate Heidel