Governor has since flown to Europe to hide more effectively.
photo credit: CedarBendDrive
ICHGAN'S embattled governor, Rick Snyder, is feeling the heat even more intensely over the Flint water crisis since the state's attorney general, Bill Schuette, began last week to levy formal charges against other players in the scandalous drama.
Thus Governor Snyder, according to sources, had begun hiding behind architectural structures in the state's ornate capitol building, attempting, as one staffer said, "to become magically invisible so the attorney general couldn't find him and charge him with anything."
Added the staffer, "It would be cute if Governor Snyder were a five year old pretending that when he hides behind a column he's suddenly invisible, but the governor is a grown man, so instead it's kind of pathetic."
Governor Snyder initially hid exclusively behind the same column in the Senate chambers whenever the state attorney general was rumored to be on capitol grounds, but became frustrated when staffers kept addressing him despite his insistence that standing stock still behind the column "makes me invisible, dammit."
Michigan's governor then began moving around the capitol, hiding behind staircases, statuary, and even once inside a massive light fixture, which broke from the additional weight. The cost of repair will be assessed in a special Capitol Beautification tax.
Now that Snyder's hiding practices have been revealed in the press, the governor and his team have flown to Europe, where Snyder's itinerary will include hiding in Germany, Italy, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. The governor's team is calling his overseas trip a "trade mission" so that all expenses can be charged to Michigan taxpayers.
According to the Associated Press, aides insist the governor will keep the Flint water crisis "firmly on his mind" while he hides behind or in some of Europe's most famous cultural landmarks.
Said one aide to the governor, "You'll never find him the the Sistine Chapel, so please don't even bother looking there."
© 4.26.16 Kate Heidel