"Fourth place is just not snobby enough," smirked St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman.
photo credit: Bobak Ha'Eri
HE MAYORS OF Minneapolis and St. Paul say they are united in their efforts to improve their lackluster fourth-place ranking in Travel + Leisure's Top Ten Snobbiest U.S. Cities of 2013.
St. Paul Mayor Chris Coleman said he was "fairly well appalled" to learn that the Twin Cities lagged behind San Francisco, New York, and Boston in snobbiness.
"Fourth place is just not snobby enough," smirked Mr. Coleman.
"I quite agree, actually," said Minneapolis Mayor R. T. Rybak. "Although, to be fair, one should hardly lump our two metropoli as one. Let us not forget that St. Paul's former moniker was 'Pig's Eye,' is that not so, Mayor Coleman?"
"True, Mayor Rybak. However, we at least maintain our delightful architectural heritage, vis-à-vis your city's unfortunate history of demolishing everything in sight in order to erect common storefronts that simply will not stand the test of time, nor a decent tornadic wind," replied Mayor Coleman.
"Be that as it may," said Mayor Rybak, "I think we stand united in our efforts to redress our snobbiness ranking."
"Yes, I suppose we do," agreed Mayor Coleman, still smirking. "Is that a new tie, Mayor? It practically sings, 'I am polyester, hear me roar.'"
"I suppose that's what it sings, Mayor, when one is tone deaf to silk," replied Mayor Rybak. "It's a wonderful invention of the domesticated Bombyx mori. You should get to know it sometime."
"I'm sure I have donned the little fellow's handiwork on many occasions, Mayor, whilst dining at one of our fine old establishments in St. Paul. But I suppose 'Chili's' will suffice for the Minneapolitan, as surely it must."
The Twin Cities' mayors will hold a joint commission "to bring together our snobbiest minds in hopes of finding a solution to this rather irksome problem," said Mayor Rybak.
"After all," he explained, "tourism is one of our major industries. Although I do wish more of our visitors would at least try to emulate our high standards of civility whilst in our midst, and not carouse and wave their arms about so. It's the least one can do when one has chosen to visit our fair Twin Towns."
"Quite," agreed Mayor Coleman.
© 7.8.13 Kate Heidel