Says it's hard to get a woman's approval when you look more like a crazed sex hippo.
INCE THE recent allegations against former Vice President Al Gore's inner crazed sex poodle of improprieties with a masseuse in a hotel room, the admittedly overweight pooch has come out of hiding to say he is now prepared "to tell the whole fat ugly story" in a memoir with the working title, Al Gore's Inner Crazed Sex Poodle: My Struggles with Power, Love, and the Battle of the Bulge.
"It's not easy being overweight when you're a crazed sex poodle," the horny pooch admitted, "especially when you used to be hot, not to mention a vital part of a successful White House administration."
Mr. Gore's crazed sex poodle said his weight problems began soon after the 2000 Gore v. Bush Supreme Court decision.
"Al and I went on a Twinkie bender that night," admitted the sex poodle. "Before long, we started shoving in the old KFC two, three times a week. I tried to tell Al right then, 'Al, you need to hire a masseuse and let me at her,' but he wouldn't listen. He said, 'Stay right where you are, buddy, and don't come out.' But I think we all know what happens when you try to coop up your crazed sex poodle," winked the randy pooch.
Mr. Gore's inner poodle went on to say that the former Vice President's divorce announcement "gave me the kick in the pants I needed to come out and do my thing." So, when Mr. Gore seemed to have forgotten his own warning against the masseuse idea and invited one into his hotel room, "it was all systems go, baby!" explained the crazed sex poodle. "I was all over her like a cheap veep."
However, as the public learned, things did not go as planned for the crazed sex pooch, "and I have only myself to blame," admitted the carnal canine. "I let myself go to pot. Can you blame the woman for wanting nothing to do with me? I looked like a Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade crazed sex balloon."
Gore's naughty poodle says the masseuse encounter was "a major wake-up call for me and the Gore Man." Both he and the nobel laureate are now on a strict diet and exercise regimen and have each lost four pounds.
"I won't stop dieting and exercising until I'm once again a lean, mean, crazed sex poodle machine," claimed Gore's inner animal. "And then, ladies, I'm afraid you'll have to get in line!"
© 7.7.10 Kate Heidel