"Serena." Kind of ironic.
photo credit: burntfilm
OP SEEDED women's tennis champion Serena Williams got a bee in her bonnet on the very first day of anger management class, which she attended as a result of her threatening outburst at the U. S. Open Women's Semi-Finals match when called on a foot fault.
Witnesses say that the anger management counselor was offering suggestions of more appropriate responses to Ms. Williams during a practice exercise when the women's tennis pro stormed toward the coach and promptly shoved a tennis racket down her throat.
Said one witness, who wished not to be identified "so that Serena doesn't hurt me," the tennis racket "was one of those really expensive numbers, like you might expect from a tennis champion. But, still, I'm sure it really smarted going down."
The administrator of the La Jolla, California "Mellow Solutions" counseling center confirmed that "Serena Williams was removed from the beginners class and swiftly graduated to a more advanced session for those of our clients who have actually inserted objects into an orifice rather than merely threatened to do so.
"It does not surprise us that someone of Ms. Williams' athletic prowess would jump straight to higher levels of anger coordination and skill," noted the administrator. "It is entirely our fault that we here at the Center did not recognize Ms. Williams' potential at the outset. And please don't use my name in your story, OK?"
Ms. Williams quickly issued a statement via her newly established Anger Response Management Office, which passed out free tennis-racket key chains to the media. The statement read:
"Now that I have had time, once again, to compose my thoughts after what was clearly a heated and emotionally charged counseling session, I can see that racket-ramming is an inappropriate response to conflict. I am almost positive that I will not ram another expensive tennis racket down someone's throat again."
None of Ms. Williams' classmates at Mellow Solutions could be reached for their reaction, as all were in court proceedings to secure orders of protection.
© 9.15.09 Kate Heidel