Paul Ryan Vows More Photo-Ops to Look Compassionate in Wake of Sandy

Final week of campaigning will be filled with opportunities for veep candidate to simulate an actual caring person.

Paul Ryan Caricature
credit: DonkeyHotey

ICE-PRESIDENTIAL candidate Paul Ryan—who recently posed at an Ohio homeless shelter washing pots and pans that had already been washed—promised to roll up his sleeves and do "a whole bunch" of photo-ops in ravaged areas across the Eastern Seaboard in the wake of Hurricane Sandy.

Mr. Ryan plans to start in lower Manhattan, where he will stand around looking concerned in several of the more devastated neighborhoods. He may, if time permits, scatter some debris that has already been removed and then pick it up again.

Reprising his recent Ohio performance, Ryan vows to get "pretty darn soapy" in a Little Ferry, New Jersey shelter as he rewashes more clean dishes. On his way out he will take blankets from existing cots and hand them out to newcomers seeking shelter.

In Connecticut, Mr. Ryan plans to climb "at least one" power pole and pretend he is restoring power to residents of Somerset who came back on the grid last night. Several families have been promised three days' rations if they agree to look grateful.

Ryan will then head briefly to Rhode Island so photographers can snap the veep candidate giving fake comfort to Governor Lincoln Chafee while petting a puppy that has been doused "to give it that just-rescued look."

For his final op session, Mr. Ryan will lean out of a rented helicopter, point in various directions, and pretend to be devastated at the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy.

Of his photo-op junket Ryan said, "I guess this would be the silver lining."