Rush Limbaugh's Former Soul Asks What Took Advertisers So Long

Ex spiritual essence of Limbaugh dropped him in the 90s.

HE FORMER SOUL of talk-radio host Rush Limbaugh says it's happy to see advertisers dropping out of the right winger's Clear Channel broadcast, but wonders "why it took so damn long, considering what an a-hole we're talking about.

"When you hear people say, 'Rush doesn't have a soul,' they're right," confirmed the ex spiritual essence of the radio host.

Limbaugh's former soul said it left the body of the talk-show host in the 90s "when Rush started attacking Chelsea Clinton. Just a little girl, and he's going after her. Can you imagine? That was enough for me," it said.

Since decoupling from what it now calls "the rat-bastard," Limbaugh's erstwhile soul says its own existence has markedly improved.

"I can't tell you what a drag it was to hang out with someone like Rush, day in, day out," said the soul. "Now I can travel the universe, instead of tagging along at CPAC conventions. Guess which is more fun?"

The ethereal former essence of Mr. Limbaugh then addressed its critics, who claim that Limbaugh was already acting like someone without a soul before he lost it.

"True enough," admitted the soul. "However, there was always hope for redemption, a change of heart, so to speak. But now? Don't hold your breath."

In light of Limbaugh's written apology on his website to the college woman he repeatedly called a "slut" on the air, the former soul of Rush Limbaugh cautioned observers not to read too much humanity into the move.

"This is someone who's trying to court his advertisers back," explained Limbaugh's ex-essence. "Don't ever forget: Rush is basically a fat carcass with a cigar and a microphone, and, I'm here to tell you, no soul."