Romney Will Raise Hand in Debates for A Coach's Permission to Speak

"He's never getting permission," says coach.

Republicans Debate
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N THE EVE OF the first presidential debate Wednesday, Republican candidate Mitt Romney has already been training for a week "to raise his hand to get my permission before he says anything to blow his chances even further," said the chief debate coach for the Romney team.

"What he doesn't know is, he can raise his hand all he wants, but he's never getting permission," the coach revealed.

"We think it's best for the outcome of all the debates if he doesn't do any more than pretend to interrupt President Obama by saying things like 'but,' 'if I could,' 'may I interject,' that sort of thing," the debate coach explained.

Although many candidates will raise their hand to get the moderator's attention, they never do so when it is their turn to speak. However, the coach said Romney's oddly timed hand raising "will still be better than the alternative," adding, "Mrs. Romney already said she was worried about her husband's mental state if he became President. This will just make it look like she should start worrying right now," he said.

Mr. Romney's debate coach will be stationed directly behind the panel of journalists who will be posing questions, so that Romney will appear to be gesturing directly at them. The panel has been briefed on the matter and has promised to smile sympathetically at the Republican candidate during his "permission-seeking activities."

The coach said he will occasionally appear to be on the verge of giving Romney permission to speak "just to keep his spirits up. But, between you and me, it just ain't gonna happen."

Romney will at least be allowed to give opening and closing remarks, which will be prepared by staff writers.

"He can read just fine," the debate coach said. "It's the saying what he really thinks that we need to put the brakes on."