Going forward, Romney stump speeches will include "simple" financial advice.
photo credit: 401(K) 2012
UNDITS WHO predicted Republican Mitt Romney's embarrassment over revelations of an IRA in his name worth as much as $100 million are scratching their heads.
In fact, the publicity regarding Romney's massive IRA has inspired his presidential campaign team to launch a new push with the slogan, "The American Dream: It's So Simple!"
"Any American can do what I did!" said Mr. Romney at a recent campaign stop in Delaware. "First, simply contribute your yearly maximum, say $5,000, into your IRA. Do that a few years in a row. Then, by the amazing power of compound interest, that modest sum will grow to hundreds of thousands of dollars in no time!
"Now," continued Mr. Romney, "have your tax lawyers put that IRA money into a blind trust. Who knows what goes on in there! That's why they call it blind!!" said the candidate.
"I myself had no idea how much was in there until I read it in the paper!" Romney added. "But I'm very impressed!!"
Mr. Romney plans to provide more of what his team is calling "American Dream Advice" as the candidate travels the country.
For example, in New Hampshire, Mr. Romney's stump speech consisted of the usual criticisms of the Obama administration, but also included his "simple recipe" for success in business ventures.
"All you do is, go to your local bank and get a business loan," Mr. Romney began. "Then, after you're in business awhile, simply buy up a few companies, and watch your bottom line grow like the dickens!" he said.
"Then get your tax lawyers to Skype with tax lawyers in the Cayman Islands and Switzerland. All perfectly legal, plus no phone bills! It's so simple, a child could do it!!" said a pumped-up Romney.
Future "American Dream Advice" topics Mr. Romney will address during the remainder of his campaign include, "How to Not Just Pay Nothing for Cosmetic Dentistry but Realize a Profit," "How to Score a Cadillac Health Plan in Case Your Spouse Gets MS ☹," and "How to Run the Most Expensive Political Campaign in the History of the World."
"Believe me," said Mr. Romney, "if I can do it, you can do it!"
© 7.13.12 Kate Heidel