Rekers Says Conversion of Gay Luggage Handler Coming Along Nicely

Family Research Council leader firmly believes that persistence is everything.

NTI-GAY activist and co-founder of the Family Research Council, George Rekers, has released a statement from an undisclosed hotel in the south of France to say that he is "heartily engaged in God's work of cleansing my luggage handler, Lucien, of his sinful, homosexual tendencies, of which I was completely unaware until the media alerted me to the shockingly immoral nature of"

In his statement, Rekers says that he "normally paid no heed to the sinning, whore-mongering media elite." However, because the media had, in his words, "opened my eyes to the unholy practices promoted by the Rentboy transgressors," he wished "to express my gratitude in this one special case," adding, "but now I have returned to praying ceaselessly for the media's Godless soul."

Thanks to Lucien's "remarkably skillful luggage handling," Rekers goes on to say that he is able "to focus all of my limited strength on persuading Lucien of the evils of homosexuality. Therefore," the statement continues, "I am toiling day and night to purge this sin from my youthful, energetic luggage handler."

Among the techniques Reker is employing to facilitate Lucien's cleansing are, "fervent prayer, frequent walks with the Lord, and traditional laying on of hands—that last one appearing to have produced almost miraculous results, considering how little time is left after Lucien's many luggage-handling duties."

Rekers says he plans to take Lucien on a "whirlwind tour of God's beauteous creations" as an inducement for his luggage handler to commit to a wholesome, heterosexual lifestyle. Some of "God's own ports of call" will include Turks and Caicos, the Florida Keys, Cancun, and "last but not least, Disney World, where Snow White shines her beacon of heterosexual purity for those cured of man-on-man love."

Whereas such a grueling travel schedule would normally prove more than the ailing Rekers could manage, in his statement he praises Lucien's "willingness to handle my luggage whenever the need arises, thus preserving my small measure of vim and inspiring me to press onward in our holy mission."

When Reker's "personal ministry of Lucien" is complete, he vows he will "not rest until all of Lucien's luggage-handling friends at Rentboy have been saved for Jesus. If I have to do God's work all by myself, one ruggedly sinful man-boy at a time, so be it."

The statement concluded: "If that is God's burden for His servant, George Rekers, I shall not want, as long as the other Rentboys can handle my luggage like Lucien."