Presidential hopeful can't find kids brave enough to go trick-or-treating with him, however.
EXAS GOVERNOR Rick Perry says he won't need a costume when he heads out trick-or-treating tonight around his neighborhood, because he is planning to go as an executioner. It turns out the Republican presidential candidate will also be trick-or-treating solo, since the neighborhood children apparently are too frightened to tag along with what one child's mom called "an actual executioner, versus a pretend one."
Perry pitched his Halloween outing as a symbolic cost-saving measure and called it "one spoke in the big wheel of my economic engine for my first term as your president and executioner. All y'all get the executioner part completely free of charge! It's my gift to the American people, and won't cost 'em one thin dime. On my honor as a former boy scout!" promised Perry.
Little six-year-old Janie P., who plans to dress up as "the new Barbie, with pink hair and a tattoo" says she is "ascared of the scootioner" and wants to go trick-or-treating while it's still light, "so I can see him coming and run away real fast."
Janie's older brother, William, going as The Lone Ranger, says he will protect his little sister "with my six shooter and Silver, my trusty steed. The Governor is gettin' nowheres near my little sister. I will kill him before he kills Janie, that's for sure," promised William.
Because Perry will be traveling without companions, some parents say they'll turn the lights out when they see the Governor strolling up the block.
"We really like him and all," said one neighbor, "but it's Halloween, and havin' a real executioner walk right up to your door on that particular day is a little too scary for me, I'd say."
"That's right," said her next-door neighbor. "We'll just pretend like we're out for the evening, and hide behind the furniture so he doesn't kill us. I mean see us."
The Governor admits he's looking forward to emptying his bag at the end of the evening to "take stock of my haul," and, he added, "check for razor blades. 'Cause I'm the only one that's doin' the killin' around here!"
© 10.31.11 Kate Heidel