Some Democratic voters already report feeling weak in the knees.
N HIS BID for the Republican nomination, Texas Governor Rick Perry has a weapon in his arsenal other Republican candidates simply can't match: that of sounding uncannily like George W. Bush.
"I've seen Democrats start to cry at the mere sound of Perry's name," observed Mitt Romney. "Now who can compete with that?"
Far from inspiring Democrats to get out and vote, Perry's Bush-like intonations are appearing to weaken their resolve, causing them to curl up into balls of despair of ever having anyone not like George W. Bush in the White House for more than one term.
"I feel so hopeless whenever I see Rick Perry walk up to the podium," said one Democratic voter from Maine. "It's like a recurring nightmare. I just don't think I can go on," added the woman, weeping quietly.
Perry, an energetic man, and several years younger than his sound-alike Bush, has already caused voters in normally blue states to express feelings of helplessness in preventing Perry from taking over where Bush left off.
"I've been weak in the knees lately, just thinking about Rick Perry," said one Democratic woman in California, "and I don't mean that in a good way. It's accompanied by nausea."
Republican analyst for Fox News, Karl Rove, has suggested that Governor Perry "should take the whole Bush voice thing and pump it up a notch" by sprinkling his speeches with familiar Bushisms "to give Democrats the heebie-jeebies.
"By the time election day rolls around, they'll just be little puddles of sweat," Rove added, smiling and rubbing his hands together.
President Obama's re-election staff has gotten wind of the Perry weapon, and is working on strategies to strengthen the resolve of Obama supporters around the country.
Said one staffer, "We're rolling out some wonderful new slogans next week we think will get our base all revved." The leaked versions of two of those new slogans are "Obama never sounded so good" and "A vote for Obama is a vote for your sanity."
"It's all about inspiring people," the staffer said. "Also, voters need to remember that change is just around the corner, and it never sounded so not Rick Perry. Hey, that's pretty good."
© 8.24.11 Kate Heidel