People Will Continue to Be Thanked for Their Patience in 2013

Thank you for your patience.

photo credit: rajomo1

ESPITE THE fact that those who have been thanked for their patience in the past have been thanked without the thankers knowing whether or not anyone being thanked was actually feeling even the slightest bit patient, a general announcement went out today that people around the world would continue to be thanked for their patience for all of 2013, and possibly longer.

No thank-you restrictions are planned this year for those who swear into the phone or at the computer, call back angrier than they were the previous time, press random numbers or keys, or try so-called bypass words in a comical effort to speak to a real person. Beginning in 2014, however, such behaviors will trigger a new automated message, rumored to be on the order of, "Please try to maintain your composure, so we may thank you for your patience."

Those who Skype in 2013 will receive the patience thank you displayed on the screen in 25 languages. Skype had originally contracted with Sesame Street to have Elmo speak the famous phrase and then giggle, but the little orange fellow's puppeteer was fired and promptly lost his patience.

In other on-hold news, people's calls will continue to be answered in the order they were received during all of 2013, and, despite rumors that calls might be downgraded to "unimportant" or even "fun to ignore," it was confirmed that your call would still be considered important at least into the third quarter of 2013. However, beginning in 2014, calls will be answered in completely random order, which could lead to long wait times. You have already been thanked in advance for your patience.

No one could be reached for specific comments on these announcements, but at the end of an on-hold message, during which assurances were made that "someone will be with you shortly," and "your call is still important to us for the time being," the female voice on the recording thanked everyone for their patience just before the call was disconnected.