Surgeon General Warns of Health Risks to Black Males of 'Going Outside'

Says that leaving the home is "not recommended."

Flag of the Surgeon General of the United States Army with fringe
photo credit: via Wikimedia Commons

HE OFFICE OF the Surgeon General just released one of its strongest warning messages to date about "the most high-risk behavior" endangering black males in the United States today.

In its statement, the office said that "the reckless going-outside behaviors of black males carry a higher risk of mortality" than the more familiar culprits such as smoking or drinking while driving, and concluded that going outside was "not recommended until exterior circumstances improve."

Although the office admitted that "more rigorous study is needed," initial data appears to indicate that black males leaving the house "contributes significantly" to the existing perils of already risky outdoor behaviors "such as walking, running, standing, sitting, or being discovered in an automobile."

In their statement, the Surgeon General admitted that "not ever leaving one's home while trying to lead a normal life does, naturally, present challenges," but emphasized "the high-risk exiting behavior does appear, at this time, to be the common denominator linking all other behaviors to high mortality rates among black males in the U.S. today."

Formal recommendations by the office should be released within the month, but the Surgeon General's statement did indicate that the office would soon begin a campaign of public-service announcements encouraging teachers and parents alike to support home schooling, working from home, "and the development of other healthy habits, like agoraphobia."

In light of one of the latest killings of a black man, in which a reserve policeman mistook his gun for a taser, the Surgeon General's office confirmed that it would also soon release new guidelines to the law-enforcement community "to alert them of the significant benefits gained by using eyesight to discern exactly what weapon is currently in use."