Reportedly was really looking forward to "Mission: Space."
OURCES NOW say that al-Qaeda mastermind Osama bin Laden was on his way to Disney World when his plans were quite abruptly cut short by a raid on his Pakistani compound.
According to people who have viewed some of the trove of homemade videos confiscated in the Navy Seal raid, bin Laden had recorded several takes of himself being asked what he was about to do now, to which he enthusiastically replied, "I'm going to Disney World!" while patting his robes in the place where he had sewn in 700 Euros for the Disney adventure.
Several men in the million-dollar compound who have since been questioned have verified bin Laden's plans to visit the amusement center, "just as a visitor, not as the anti-American jihadist leader," as one man explained it, adding, "We all need a little R and R from time to time."
Other homemade tapes revealed a private nook in which bin Laden had displayed several of his favorite Disney characters, including five Plutos, three Goofys, and seven Minnie Mouses, which were veiled and marked with "Minnie Wife # _ " in Arabic script on post-it notes stuck to their robes.
"He allowed the Minnie Mouse wives to reveal their colorful high heels," said one compound member. "That's just the kind of open-minded imaginary Disney husband bin Laden was."
Among the attractions al-Qaeda's leader had planned to visit in Disney World were the Cinderella Castle, The Magic Carpets of Aladdin, and one of the most popular Disney thrill rides, Mission: Space.
"Yes, it's true, bin Laden was really looking forward to the thrill of being launched into space at Disney World," confirmed another al-Qaeda member. "But I suppose you could say he ended up having a similar experience without ever leaving the comforts of the compound."
Bin Laden had also sewn into his robes a few phone numbers, which have since been traced to Disney's fabulous Beach Club Villas and to residences in the immediate vicinity answered by women named "Bubbles" and "Trixie" respectively.
"We think our great leader might have planned to stay away a little longer than he had led us to believe," acknowledged one of bin Laden's closest deputies. "He's quite good at the Blackjack tables. Or was."
© 5.10.11 Kate Heidel
