Suze Orman's Investment Book for Menopausal Gals: The Courage to Be Crabby

New book is sure to enrich at least one woman whose name rhymes with Boozy Floorman.

ROKE WAITRESS-turned-ubiquitous-financial-investment evangelizer Suze Orman has just launched a publicity book tour to tout her new wealth-building strategy for older women. The new title, penned with assistance from famed gynecologist Dr. Christiane Northrup, is called Menopausal Women's Wisdom: The Courage to Be Crabby About Yer Money.

Ms. Orman, striding into Chicago's Ritz-Carlton, stopped for a moment to answer reporters' questions about the new book.

"Why menopausal women in particular?"

"Why NOT menopausal women, darlin'? I mean we're all going there one day. I'm practically there myself, girlfriend. And when you get there, whattaya going to do with yerself? I'll tell you what: You're going to sit down with my book and learn how to create a harmonious relationship with yer money."

"How can you create harmony if you're crabby?"

"I'll TELL you how you're going to create harmony if you're crabby. If you are crabby, you don't take any guff. If you don't take any guff, you start telling the truth to others. If you start telling the truth to others, then you start telling the truth to yerself."

"How does telling the truth to yerself build wealth?"

"I'm glad you asked that, girlfriend. If you tell the truth to yerself, then you can't go out and buy things you can't afford. If you don't buy things you can't afford, then there's more of yer money in yer pocket for a rainy day. If there's more money in yer pocket, you have just empowered yerself. Now you have the inner strength to build wealth."

Just then, Dr. Northrup popped out of a limousine and met up with her coauthor under the Ritz canopy. Far from the frumpy Dr. Northrup of older PBS pledge drives, the new version sported a sexy blonde 'do, stiletto heels, and a sleek pencil skirt and satin blouse.

A reporter asked Dr. Northrup how she had lost weight and become so svelte.

"Well, as I told women in my book, Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom, now in paperback for only $19.95, you can talk to your breasts to make them grow. In my own case, I used reverse psychology on my waist to shrink it three inches. Believe me, women can do anything they put their minds to. And menopausal women are at the peak of their power. It's why they're so crabby. They're goddesses living in a world of mere mortals."

Another reporter followed up by asking Dr. Northrup how she qualified to coauthor a book on investment advice.

Replied the sexy gynecologist to the stars, "Oh, I'm just here to hold the reader's hand as she navigates the menopausal waters and swims into the capable arms of Suze Orman, for only $32.95—free shipping if you order from amazon."