Larry King will be on top of any obnoxious developments.
photo credit: terratrekking
HITE HOUSE PRESS Secretary Robert Gibbs has confirmed that one of President Obama's top choices to replace retiring Justice David Souter on the Supreme Court is none other than television's most popular small-claims judge, Judy Sheindlin, affectionately called "Judge Judy."
"President Obama has personally telephoned Ms. Sheindlin to tell her that she is formally under consideration," said Mr. Gibbs. "This is not a sure thing, but we do feel that Judge Judy is uniquely qualified. She knows how to drill down to the essence of a case, and she's not afraid to make frequent appearances on Larry King Live. You just can't say the same about Ruth Bader Ginsburg in the Larry department."
Ms. Sheindlin, both loved and hated for her abrasive approach to settling disputes in her court, has what CNN's legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin calls, "a refreshing honesty, and an impatience with drawn-out oral arguments that I think will help settle many hundreds of cases a year that come to the high court, rather than just the usual paltry 90 or so."
The Press Secretary went on to say that President Obama's list of qualified judges was short, "although shorter still is our list of obnoxious judges. In fact, Ms. Sheindlin is pretty much it. I guess you could call her our 'It Judge,' ha-ha."
Among Judge Judy's uniquely obnoxious qualifications are her well-honed yelling skills, "which," observed Mr. Gibbs, "we're quite sure could shut down Justice Scalia in no time flat"; her penchant for insulting both plaintiff and defendant ("we call that 'equal treatment under the law'"); and her aforementioned speed at adjudicating case loads.
Said Mr. Gibbs, "I personally can't think of anything more obnoxious than to see a judge whip off a ruling in three seconds after lawyers have spent literally months painstakingly preparing their case before the highest court in the land. It just makes you want to scream. And then to watch her wave them out of the room, and then good old Burt the Bailiff, opening the swing gate for them. Beautiful."
Speaking of Judge Judy's long-suffering bailiff, Mr. Gibbs would not say whether Ms. Sheindlin would remain a candidate if Burt were not also asked to preside as bailiff over the Supreme Court.
"It's a little like separating peanut butter and jelly, or bagels and cream cheese," observed the Press Secretary. "It isn't quite right, although it would be completely obnoxious, so we're not 'ruling' it out, ha-ha."
© 5.26.09 Kate Heidel