$400 Hair-Makeup-Nails on Michele Bachmann Not the Same As Edwards Haircut

"It's three different things that add UP to $400," explained the well-turned-out Bachmann.

EA PARTY candidate Michele Bachmann, sporting a fresh haircut, expertly applied makeup, and a perfect French manicure at Monday's Republican debate in New Hampshire, begged to differ with reporters who noted that her appearance likely required cosmetic sevices worth at least four hundred dollars, the amount John Edwards had been heavily criticized for spending on a haircut during one of his campaigns.

"Well, even if I did spend four hundred dollars, it's three different things that add up to four hundred, so it's not the same thing at all," chimed the Minnesota Representative. "Also, America is the head, not the tail!"

Gingrich after the debate defended Bachmann's spending on hair, makeup, and nails.

"A woman needs to take great care of her appearance," said Gingrich, "because if she gets cancer or MS, she needs to be able to hide it from her man for as long as humanly possible. Because he will bolt.

"Now, Edwards, he was an entitled, clueless boar who insulted the American people with his conspicuous consumption," Gingrich added.

"And you can take that check to the bank and cash it!" beamed Bachmann.

Former Governor Tim Pawlenty, also of Minnesota, called John Edwards' haircut expense "a shame on the nation, equivalent to Obamneycare. In fact, I'm going to dub it JohnnyCare right here and now. But please don't ask me to repeat that if I'm ever in the same room with Edwards. He might hurt me."

"Did I mention that I read economics while I'm laying on the beach?" Michele Bachmann asked. "Milton Friedman and I are summer buddies!!"

Pawlenty added, "And, you know, Michele here, who I respect so much and would never mock, Michele has employed three different people to put herself together. That alone helped me raise America's productivity by almost five percent for the three hours they were working on her. If you don't believe in that, you don't believe in America."

Representative Bachmann grinned in approval: "Obamacare will cost us 800,000 jobs! Did I mention that I've raised twenty foster children? I'm going to shut down the EPA!"