Meg Ryan, the Quicker Picker Upper of Mellencamp, Is Celebrity Bounty Towel

Expert maneuvering also makes her a celebrity Dyson vacuum cleaner.

CTRESS AND household product and appliance imitator Meg Ryan has wasted no time in scooping up singer John Mellencamp like an Oxo melon baller. Mellencamp was no sooner separated from his wife than he was spotted arm in arm with the versatile Ryan.

"She got into the nooks and crannies of my broken heart just like a Swiffer duster, man," confirmed the veteran singer-songwriter. "I didn't stand a chance."

Celebrity website TMZ notes that Ms. Ryan's household product-imitation résumé goes back to her shedding hubby Dennis Quaid "like a Popeil Magic Sweater De-piller."

Perez Hilton confirmed that Ryan also ejected Quaid's belongings from their home "like a Presto Salad Shooter. That girl is one tough cookie cutter."

Friends of Ryan say Mellencamp should be especially attentive when the temperamental actress bakes like a Zojirushi Breadmaker.

Explained one woman, "The key to keeping Meg happy is not to ignore her when she beeps for 30 seconds. She's crying out for extra ingredients."

The woman asked not to be identified for fear of "being brained by Meg when she turns into a 13" All-Clad French Skillet. Ouch."

The actress was completely mum on her new relationship, conveniently growing into a celebrity Chia Pet Herb Garden.