Americans Divided over Eliminating Saturday Delivery of Someone Else's Mail

U.S. Postal Service claims no reduction of wrong-mail delivery on a five-day schedule.

ITH SERIOUS budget problems facing the U.S. Postal Service now and in the years ahead, Americans are about evenly divided over the prospect of Saturdays without receiving someone else's mail.

"I've always enjoyed the small talk with my neighbor across the hall when we hand over each other's mail and disparage the postal service," said Lisa Parkening of New Brunswick, New Jersey. "I just hope five days a week gives them plenty of time to get it wrong, otherwise I'll have to start asking my neighbor for a cup of sugar, and I'm pre-diabetic."

Others have expressed relief over having one fewer day to sort through important mail, junk mail, and someone else's mail.

"I'm busy," commented Jack Lardner of Mamaroneck, New York. "Leave me alone."

At a recent press conference, a spokesman for the U.S. Postal Service told reporters that high-volume areas of the U.S. such as the tri-state region of the East Coast, "can be assured of uninterrupted delivery snafus even if we eliminate Saturday service."

Continued the spokesman, "We understand that many Americans are concerned about not receiving their mail in a timely manner if we reduce our delivery schedule. At the U.S. Postal Service, we are truly confidant that Americans will not receive their mail in very much the same volume they're not receiving it now.

"In addition," said the spokesman, "very little will change in how you don't receive your mail. For example, if your mail has been misdelivered to the house next door in the past, we can almost guarantee that's where it will be even without Saturday delivery."

On the positive side, the Postal Service spokesman expressed optimism regarding the potential for increased misdeliveries in less populous areas of the country.

"Our midwestern postal workers have always experienced lower volumes. But without Saturdays, we're hoping that at least some of our midwestern customers will see an uptick in someone else's mail.

"However," continued the spokesman, "being that the midwesterner is known for neighborliness, the exchange of misdelivered mail I'm sure will be considered a golden opportunity to organize a square dance or something. Just don't mail the invitations, for obvious reasons."

The spokesman closed his remarks by assuring the American public that lack of Saturday delivery would have no effect on the volume of mail delivered crumpled or torn.

"Those mailboxes aren't getting any bigger," he said.