Woman Drops Tithing to Eight Percent until God Answers Lottery Prayer

Tough economy is trickling up.

here's hoping
photo credit: Robert S. Donovan

AIRLY DEVOUT Lutheran Clarice Devers has announced to friends and family that she will soon lower her church tithing from the customary ten percent down to a "protest level" of eight percent for what she feels is "God's refusal to answer over twenty years of faithful prayer in regards to my winning the Mega Millions lottery."

Citing the shaky U.S. economy, Ms. Devers claims that "now is the time, if ever there was one" for God to answer her prayers to win the multi-million-dollar Mega Millions jackpot.

"We're all having to cut back in these hard times," explained the feisty Lutheran, "and if God can't see fit to answer a twenty-year prayer of mine, then I guess He's going to have to feel the hurt a little, too."

Citing an Oprah show featuring a lottery winner whose prayers, according to Ms. Winfrey herself, had quite clearly been answered, Ms. Devers looked up at the sky and asked, "WTF, Lord?" The question turned out to be rhetorical, as no reply was given.

"You see what I'm dealing with here," said Ms. Devers.

If God does answer her prayer, the Lottery Lutheran promises to immediately restore tithing to the standard ten percent, "until I'm back on my feet," and then increase her church offerings "commensurate with my lottery winnings."

Ms. Devers provided the following example: "Say God answers my prayer when the jackpot is at the minimum $20 million. That's not the same as answering when it's $300 million. You do the math."