For 2014, Kristen Stewart Resolves to Act Her Way out of a Paper Bag

Many think young actress is setting sights impossibly high.

photo credit: myalexis

MONG THE flurry of resolutions celebrities have announced as they ring in 2014, Twilight star Kristen Stewart's is considered by many Hollywood insiders to be among the most ambitious.

According to her publicist, Ms. Stewart has resolved that 2014 "will be the year that she acts her way out of a paper bag."

The publicist claimed to be "thrilled for one of my favorite clients," but did have reservations about how aggressively the actress should pursue her acting goal.

"Although I completely support Kristen's admirable goal of acting her way out of a paper bag this year," the publicist said, "perhaps it would be best if she bites off a little less at first," she suggested. "Like maybe trying to stand naturally out of a paper bag, or smile believably out of a paper bag."

Noting that most people who can't act themselves out of a paper bag do not make it to the silver screen, several of Ms. Stewart's most talented detractors nonetheless applauded her decision to improve her acting chops.

The veteran great James Earl Jones, who at first stated he "doesn't give a damn" what Ms. Stewart "does or does not do in or out of a paper bag" did eventually credit the actress for attempting her feat with paper rather than plastic, "because of the overwhelming risk of suffocation."

Dame Judi Dench wished Ms. Stewart "the best of luck with the bag business," but did suggest that the young actress "might be better off staying put once she's fully ensconced," where she could "perfect the actor's art of playing dead, thus increasing her range significantly."

Kristen Stewart could be reached for comment, but wasn't.