Karzai's Opponent Withdrew from Runoff Because Headwear Not 'Karzai Cool'

Abdullah tried to pull off his own look, but couldn't avoid charges of imitation.

OURCES CLOSE to the Afghan political scene have revealed that Abdullah Abdullah, Hamid Karzai's one-time presidential opponent, removed himself from the run-off election because of "increasing pressure to look as good as Karzai does in his fabulous headwear."

Abdullah, who has gone into seclusion reportedly to "work out a fashion statement that is his alone," was said to have bristled at the notion of going mano a mano in a run-off with Karzai, whose headwear "is clearly hot enough to make a splash on runways in Paris and Milan."

Handlers for Abdullah said that the presidential candidate felt his chances of winning "had run off the rails" once it became clear that he had "nothing unique in the way of headwear" to offer the Afghan people, but rather "only a bunch of wonkish policies and plans for the future of the nation."

Celebrities like Paris Hilton and Katie Holmes have lauded President Karzai's fashion sense, dubbing his hat wardrobe "Karzai Cool." Abdullah, on the other hand, had tried and failed last year to start a line of polyester scarves that "went nowhere fast," according to sources. Now the former candidate must regroup, creating his own fashion niche while finding a way to unload 10,000 poly scarves.

Said one Abdullah handler, "Political fashion is all about a devil-may-care nonchalance mixed with powerful charisma and a great color palate. Do you take the nation forward in vibrant greens and blues or muted taupes, browns, and silvers? It's all about the statement. Oh, and fabric choice is key, especially for a man who thought he could get away with polyester. Let's not even go there."

Rumor has it that if Abdullah re-enters the race in future elections, he will steer well clear of any form of headwear due to an unfortunate genetic condition known as "hat hair."

"In a way, it's his liberation," stated the handler. "Now he can start with a clean fashion slate and wow Afghanistan in 2010. Hold on to your hat, Hamid!"