All the Whos in Whoville have already started splitting their medication.
ENATOR JOSEPH Lieberman of Whoville, Connecticut, by announcing he won't support the public option and won't support Medicare expansion to those between 55 and 64, has effectively taken the lead over Senators Olympia Snow and Ben Nelson in the bid to become the Grinch who steals health reform.
Scowling grumpily in his winter scarf, Senator Lieberman has begun to look much more like the Grinch than his competitors in the narrow field of contenders.
"I hate health reform!" scowled the would-be Grinch, turning rather green. "And I hate all the Whos in Whoville, Connecticut! They will not have health reform, not if I can help it! I detest their hopes and their dopey little votes for change!"
Said his rival, Olympia Snow, "Joe has become quite a heel, and is about as charming as an eel, so I don't see how I'm going to make Grinch if he keeps up this pace."
Concurring, Ben Nelson added, "I would say that Joe's heart is fast becoming an empty hole. He might even have garlic in his soul. But, at any rate, I personally wouldn't touch him with a thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole. Would you?"
"No, he's a mean one, it's true," said Senator Snow.
Senator Lieberman can't wait to steal health reform, and may hatch his plan before Christmas. But if you ask him, he'll just lie, like he did to little Cindy Lou of Whoville, Connecticut, who asked him, "Why?"
"I'm just preserving competition, Cindy my dear," said he, counting his cash and turning to flee. "This is America, Cindy Lou, and I'm fixing health care, just for you and every other Who," said the Senator with a greasy smile. "Just wait awhile, you'll see."
Sources say the only way that Lieberman may want to share his health care bounty with all the Whovilles of the nation is if the spirit of Christmas can swell his heart to three times its size.
"That's the least he'll need, or he's our Grinch for sure," said Olympia Snow, who of all who's whos would certainly know.
© 12.15.09 Kate Heidel