If they can't do it, no one can.
OCKET PROPULSION experts, known to the general public as "rocket scientists," and brain surgeons, known to the general public as "brain surgeons," are meeting in New York City this week with one common goal, which, in the words of surgeon Dr. Ralph McKinley, "is to uncover a job description that will satisfy the criteria of being as difficult, or more so, than our own two professions."
"We know it won't be easy," added the brain specialist, "but, like I always say, neither is a bifrontal craniotomy to repair a dural leak."
Dr. McKinley, sitting in a Manhattan Starbucks and looking highly intelligent even out of a lab coat, said that it was "hard on our professionals, always being the standard of difficulty against which everything is measured. I think climate change is a tough subject, wouldn't you say? But, no, 'it's not brain surgery or anything,' you'll hear, or 'listen, it isn't exactly rocket science.' That's a lot to live up to."
Among the basic qualifications for the replacement job description are: subject matter that requires a Wikipedia page full of jargon linking to at least 50 other Wikipedia pages, professionals who only wear eyeglass frames manufactured before 1983, and a field of study whose depth can be just partially explained by cool animated graphics on a three-part Nova.
Said Dr. McKinley, "My feeling is, if you don't need a new prescription, why replace frames that are in perfectly good shape?"
A public relations firm engaged by the consortium of surgeons and rocket experts is already hard at work on the nuts and bolts of a campaign to get the word out once the short list of replacement professions is compiled.
"I'm not a PR man myself," admitted Dr. McKinley, "but it's not exactly, um, anthropology?"
© 3.10.09 Kate Heidel