Woman Escapes House Fire, Clearly Hasn't Retouched Hair Color in 6-8 Weeks

Insists to skeptical onlookers that she was "planning to color my hair tomorrow morning, honestly!"

Fire Trucks
photo credit: Daniel P. Fleming

 43-YEAR-OLD woman who barely escaped her blazing home early this morning was not only in need of a place to stay, but would also require an emergency hair-color touch-up for serious roots.

The woman, who asked to be identified only as "Jane Doe," insisted she normally didn't allow her unsightly gray roots to "get this bad."

However, skeptical onlookers at the scene were less than impressed when Ms. Doe offered them her hasty explanation.

"I have a touch-up powder for my roots in between colorings, but I was at home all day today and just didn't get around to putting it in!" she breathlessly claimed.

"I mean, I didn't expect to have to go running out of the house in the middle of the night with these roots!!"she continued, bursting into tears that would have looked so much more attractive on a woman who had kept up with her color.

Clearly shaken by her less-than-optimal appearance, Ms. Doe then swore to onlookers that she had been "planning to color my hair tomorrow morning, honestly!" She recited from memory the exact color product, Preference #5CB, Medium Chestnut Brown, but a female neighbor wasn't impressed.

"I know my hair-color number, too," she sniffed, "but that doesn't mean I'm going to use it that very day."

Firefighters had to hold the woman back as she pleaded to run into the burning house for her only box of hair color.

"She said she knew exactly where it was, on the bathroom vanity, but we couldn't take a chance," said the fire chief.

"Although, considering it's at least six to eight weeks of roots we're lookin' at here, I sure wish we could have let back in," he added.

A volunteer on the scene from the town's local Red Cross chapter promised to place the woman in suitable lodging "for as long as it takes for her to secure more permanent living arrangements and a decent supply of hair color."

Saying the Red Cross "takes in the neediest of the needy, including women who have clearly let themselves go in the hair department," the volunteer put her arm around the woman and ushered her into the Red Cross van, where hot coffee and an emergency hat were waiting.