Illinois Woman Finds Unwatched Tapes of 'Guiding Light'; Postpones Suicide

Distraught fan of canceled soap opera gives herself a temporary reason to live.

ILA PERKINS of Oak Park, Illinois, was poised to end it all after the final episode of her beloved Guiding Light aired last week, but, as the grieving fan was putting her things in order, she came across several tapes from 1992 that, she says, "I just completely lost track of."

Ms. Perkins has already begun watching what she calls "my lost episodes" and is pleased that the story line focuses on the characters Reva and Josh, "who are my all-time favorites," noting, "God gave me a reprieve! I am so excited to see if those two lovebirds get back together again! It's so on-and-off with them, you know."

Ms. Perkins estimates the running time of all three tapes is about six hours, after which she plans to rejoin her suicide plans "still in progress. I was cleaning the den, and unless I find more tapes, it's sayonara. Curtains!"

Now that the cat is out of the bag, friends of Lila Perkins are scrambling to find tapes and dvrs of Guiding Light episodes they hope she hasn't viewed, or won't remember seeing.

"We're going to do our best to keep her in episodes for a good long time," says Laurie Jillison, Lila's closest GL confidant. "Although her brain is a steel trap for all things Guiding Light, so it won't be easy."

Ms. Perkins says she plans to view her lost episodes one per day, "commercials and everything, just as if it were still on, and hadn't been, oh, I can't even utter the word. Reva! Josh! Springfield!! Get me Dr. Bauer! I need Dr. Bauer!!"

"I'm afraid it's too late for Dr. Bauer to help Lila now," Laurie sighed, shaking her head. "She's losing her grip. What are we going to do??"

"I know!" said perky Celia Parnell, life-long friend to Laurie and Lila. "We'll get her hooked on Project Runway! Lila just loves fashion and gay designers!"

"Oh, Celia, do you really think Project Runway can save Lila? What if it's too late?" Laurie cried, wringing her hankie into a tourniquet.

"Well, we can't sit here and do nothing!" exclaimed Celia. "It has to work, that's all. It simply has to."

"Make it work, ladies!" chimed Project Runway's fashion guru Tim Gunn, who happened to be in the neighborhood.

Will Laurie and Celia save their beloved friend Lila? Or will she succumb to despair once the lost episodes of Guiding Light have run their course??