Mysterious adviser serves lots of sauerkraut to lawmaker guests.
CCORDING TO an anonymous source, House Republicans, led by Speaker John Boehner, have been in private consultations since last week with a tax expert named Mr. Grinch over how to avoid letting tax rates return to Clinton-era levels for the wealthiest two percent of Americans.
"This Mr. Grinch is said to be a mean one, with the charm of an eel," revealed the source, "but the Republicans are meeting with him for hours at a stretch," he said.
Although no one knows what specific strategies are being discussed, the source confirmed that Mr. Grinch's lunch menu has included triple-decker sauerkraut sandwiches on several occasions.
"I've also got it on good authority that the sandwiches were doused in some kind of toadstool sauce," the source said.
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi is known to have met Mr. Grinch once at a party in Washington, "but," said the source, "she told a confidant that Grinch nauseated her 'with a super naus.'"
The elusive Mr. Grinch has never granted an interview to reporters, although a member of Katie Couric's staff did let on that the talk-show host had spoken to him by phone briefly on Monday evening.
"Katie, in her snappy way, told her personal assistant that Mr. Grinch had 'all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile,'" the source revealed. "She also said Grinch avoided her questions 'like a greasy black banana peel,'" he added, "so we're still in the dark as to his tactics."
Meanwhile, Speaker Boehner continues holding firm against allowing tax rates to return to previous levels for the richest Americans.
"If you want to know what I think of tax hikes, I've got three words for you," he said to a group of reporters this morning.
"Stink, stank, stunk!!"
© 12.12.12 Kate Heidel