Martin Scorsese to Film Remake of 'Raging Bull' with Nancy Grace

Director thinks Grace will make De Niro's boxer "look like a pussycat."

photo credit: Siebbi

AMED FILM director Martin Scorsese has announced his plan to remake his dark film classic Raging Bull, this time casting prosecutor and television personality Nancy Grace in the role made famous by Robert De Niro.

Speaking to the press after his announcement, Scorsese said Ms. Grace's "flaring nostrils, sneering delivery, and limitless blood lust" drew him to her as "the natural casting choice" for the lead role of the troubled boxer who inspires the film's title.

"I'm not one for remaking my own films," explained Mr. Scorsese, "but Nancy Grace is such a natural for the role, I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to re-shoot the story with her in the ring as a natural-born killer.

"The way her nostrils flare when she's angry, which is most of the time, won me over immediately," continued Scorsese. "But her skill in working up her audience's taste for vengeance makes Robert De Niro's boxer look like a pussycat," said the director.

Nancy Grace has already begun training for the role, fitting in three hours' boxing practice in between preparations for her HLN show and a variety of guest appearances.

"I just beat the crap out of Piers Morgan," Ms. Grace said, slamming her fists into a punching bag. "And I'd gladly do it again, honey. What a sniveling, bleeding-heart British fancy pants that guy is," she added, nostrils flared to maximum snorting capacity.

"She's a natural," said Scorsese. "She was born for this role. I don't even have to give her any notes. All I do is whisper 'Casey Anthony' in her ear before each scene, and she becomes, well, a raging bull!" Scorsese said, beaming.

Now that word of Grace's acting chops has gotten around, other directors are showing interest in the fuming prosecutor for additional remakes. Francis Ford Coppola has hinted that he wants Grace to play all twelve jurors in a modern rendition of Twelve Angry Men.

"Nancy gave me a 'maybe' on condition that we 'fry the guilty bastard,'" said Coppola. "That's quite a departure from the original script, but she's a lot angrier than the original jury, so it just might work."

And for SciFi fans, director Ridley Scott has confirmed he is in salary talks with Grace's agent over an Alien remake.

Said Scott, "I told Nancy in our first meeting that I was going to hire Casey Anthony to play a member of the space crew, and she just about burst out of my stomach. I said, 'You're hired, babe.'"