Trey Gowdy Vows to Settle on Single Hair Style for Benghazi Hearings

Skeptics are doubtful.

Trey Gowdy 113th Congress
photo credit: Wikimedia Commons

OUTH CAROLINA Congressman Trey Gowdy, the Republican who will chair the upcoming House Select Committee on Benghazi, has vowed to the American people that he will "make a firm decision on what my hair style shall be" before the opening gavel of the committee's inaugural session.

Known by his constituents as "Très Gaudy" for his tendency to rearrange his hair every few days, the congressman insists his tinkering will end so that he "can get to the bottom of that Benghazi mess, even if it means bringing Hillary Clinton's thick and lustrous hair before our committee."

Gowdy observers are skeptical, however, that the Congressman can really go through the entire hearing process without rearranging his tresses.

"I've seen him change parts three times in one day," said a close associate. "No way is he going to make it through all those hearings. If you think he's a little crazy now, just you wait."

Other members of the Select Committee have offered to help keep Mr. Gowdy focused on the task at hand, which, according to one staffer, "is never letting go of Benghazi until after the 2016 Presidential election, when we will magically no longer care."

Members plan to help Chairman Gowdy learn to sit on his hands while still yelling at witnesses, play with rubber bands in an intimidating fashion, and unobtrusively sneak a peek at photos of Donald Trump on his iPhone whenever the urge strikes to restyle his hair.

"The Donald is inspiration to anyone who wants to learn how not to change a hair style at the risk of going horribly wrong," said the staffer.