Clooney's New Bride Thinks She's So Damn Special, Serving on Gaza Human Rights Commission

Well, la-di-da.

photo credit: nicolas genin

AWYER Amal Alamuddin, whom George Clooney just married for some inexplicable reason on Saturday in Venice of all places, still has not stepped down from a tiny commission she was appointed to last month—probably by someone who owes her big time—to investigate potential violations of the rules of war in Gaza. Well aren't we the Queen of Sheba.

Meanwhile, George Clooney—who would be so much happier with someone who could really understand him and be there for him when he's had a rough day of acting instead of running all over the world doing things for commissions she has no business joining anyway—could not be reached for comment. Although he should know that any time he wants to talk about this, or anything else, anything else at all, he can just pick up the phone and call. Any time, day or night.

Most people interviewed on Alamuddin's appointment hadn't even heard of the commission, let alone what possible qualifications she could have, except the ones that put everything else ahead of George Clooney. There are obviously plenty of those.

The brilliant, handsome actor is said to be holding up quite well under the circumstances of having picked entirely the wrong woman to marry on Saturday, seeing how she won't have any time to spend with him because she's so incredibly important and no one can do without her pearls of wisdom on the whole Gaza business.

Rumors are spreading like wildfire that Ms. Alamuddin is already flirting heavily with the two men on this human rights "commission," and that no one should be surprised if George Clooney dumps her at the curb like a grocery bag of empty plastic bottles on recycling day. Because he cares deeply about the earth, and is a very big recycler.

However, no one cares what Amal Alamuddin has to say for herself, so naturally she was not reached for comment.