Quality of performance just might land him on "Dancing with the Stars."
REASURY SECRETARY Timothy Geithner, responding to criticism that every one of his bank bailout plans is essentially the same idea recycled, has decided to literally unveil the next plan by performing the famous Dance of the Seven Veils from the opera Salome in hopes that his critics will be dazzled.
"It's a bold move, to be sure," admitted an anonymous staffer, "especially considering that the dance has always been performed by a woman," referring to the many singers portraying Princess Salome, whose sultry strip tease enchanted the ruler Herod.
Geithner, who is small in stature and in very good physical condition, is said to be confident that he can pull off the seductive unveiling and convince a skeptical public that his latest plan is worth considering.
Noted the staffer, "Mr. Geithner has been rehearsing every day, and already has most of the dance down pat. The public is his Herod, and, although he's certainly got some performance jitters, he believes that his own special veil interpretation will win hearts and minds."
However, many feel that Geithner's dance will not pull the veils over the eyes of the Nobel-Prize winning economist and New York Times columnist Paul Krugman. Professor Krugman has been a critic of Geithner's various bailout iterations from the beginning.
Citing a special appreciation for the Salome opera, Krugman said, "The right dancer makes all the difference, of course, but this plan isn't opera, and Geithner is certainly no Salome. I hardly think a few colorful veils will convince me that Geithner's plan is anything but a recycled piece of doo-doo."
Geithner is said to be looking at a Dance of the Eight Veils if the first one doesn't quite sell his plan.
"He's got a whole different set of colors for the second dance, if he needs to go there," said the anonymous staffer. "And he insists that with eight veils, it's a completely different dance."
© 4.21.09 Kate Heidel