High-octane singer happy to rent self as clean-energy source.
MERICA'S "Big Three" automakers came together to announce a joint agreement with singer-songwriter Lady Gaga, in which the high-energy performer will be available as an electric car recharge station when she is not recording, touring, or tossing her hair in circles on music award shows.
Speaking to a gathering of reporters, a spokesman for General Motors, Ford, and Chrysler said, "We are very pleased to announce this morning that Lady Gaga has generously offered to provide her considerable excess energy to America's fleet of electric cars. In this way, she is helping her country to reduce its carbon footprint without compromising her enormous talent for songwriting and popping out of large green eggs at music award shows."
Lady Gaga was not present at the news conference, but appeared on video behind the podium wearing her favorite Alexander McQueen Armadillo 10-inch heels and a giant fuchsia condom.
"I know you can't see my whole face, because it's inside a condom," Ms. Gaga began, "but you can see my lips pressed against the latex, and my lips are incredibly happy to tell you that I am so honored to be America's first human plug-in station! Not just for my fabulous fans, whom I love with all my being, but for all Americans who drive electric cars! I love all of you and want to recharge your batteries as soon as I'm back from my latest tour!!"
Ms. Gaga then broke into a tune written just for the occasion, "Electric Lady Gaga Land," during which she generated enough energy to power 25,000 electric cars for 100 miles.
The auto spokesman confirmed that the first Gaga plug-in station would be unveiled next month in Greenwich Village, close to The Bitter End club where the singer got her start.
"Ms. Gaga will be there to charge her first electric car, but she won't reveal what she's wearing, singing, or popping out of," said the spokesman. "We only know that she is AC/DC."
© 2.18.11 Kate Heidel
