"It might not be ze first time I have done naughtiness," suggests IMF chief.
photo credit: jujuly
NTERNATIONAL Monetary Fund leader Dominique Strauss-Kahn, reached in a New York City jail where he is being held for allegedly molesting a hotel maid, is speaking out to reporters about his behavior.
"Yes, yes, it is possible to say zat I am ze crazed sex French Poodell," hinted the head of the IMF and Socialist candidate for the French presidency.
Strauss-Kahn, referring to a hotel masseuse's characterization of Al Gore as a "crazed sex poodle" over similar allegations, said that "nossing can quite beat ze French at poodelling, even your great statesman, Monsieur Gore. We are ze kings of ze world in poodelling!! Now, come over eer, you sexy sing."
The president of the IMF enumerated a few key differences between a generic and a French crazed sex poodle, including "sneaking up behind ze maid," rather than grabbing from the front, as Mr. Gore was said to have done; "wearing only ze towell, so it can be pulled off like zees!" explained Mr. Strauss-Kahn, miming a quick sweeping motion; and fleeing the scene as quickly as possible "even if it means leaving ze iPhone behind. Zer ees always anozzer iPhone to be 'ad, but not always anozzer sexy flight attendant named Hezzer. Do not forget me, Hezzer!!"
Strauss-Kahn, by his hints to reporters, realizes he may face harsher penalties and perhaps even forgo the benefit of being assumed innocent until proven guilty. Yet the presidential candidate seemed remarkably unperturbed by the whole affair, which he referred to as "an unfortunate misunderstanding in ze brain of my delightful maid du chambre."
In France, Strauss-Kahn's status as a potential crazed sex French poodle has skyrocketed his poll numbers, explaining at least some of the IMF leader's sangfroid.
"Also," explained Strauss-Kahn, "I am appreciating ze police womans who, how do you say in America, knock out my socks. Perhaps it is ze adorableness of ze uniforms. Dark blue is my favorite color sur les femmes."
© 5.16.11 Kate Heidel