Americans Celebrate Trump Inauguration with Final Affordable Medical Procedures

Others mark the occasion by filling as many reasonably priced prescriptions in one day as pharmacy will allow.


Donald Trump taking oath of office
photo credit: Karl-Ludwig G. Poggemann


S DONALD TRUMP took the presidential oath of office today, millions of Americans commemorated the historic moment by having medical procedures before the new president was able to sign off on repealing the Affordable Care Act.

"I moved my ankle surgery to today from next month," said John R. of Newport, Rhode Island, "because no way would I be able to afford it if the ACA is repealed. But, don't get me wrong—I'm really looking forward to holding raffles and charity car washes again to pay for a laughably tiny percentage of future possible health care bills."

"Americans donít shrink from a challenge," said Amy G. from Ames, Iowa. "My own, personal challenge will be seeing how little heart medication I can take and still stay alive for my three kids! It'll be like a fun game!"

Despite looking forward to returning to the days when medical bills forced millions of Americans into bankruptcy or an early death, many have decided they may as well take advantage of current health insurance, which bears an uncanny resemblance to what citizens in other industrialized nations have had for at least half a century.

"It's silly, I know," Amy G. admitted, "but I thought, well, why the heck don't I just get affordable medication today while I still can, since it won't break the bank, plus it will keep me alive and everything. I was going to wait until I couldn't afford it, you know, like the old days. I guess I'm just old-fashioned! But the kids kept saying things like, 'But, Mom, we don't want you to die!' and 'Please, Mom, get your medication now so we can afford dinner every night, too!' Kids! I'm telling you."

Older Americans are getting into the act, too, filling prescriptions and having procedures done sooner than later, seeing that Trump's nominee for Health and Human Services wants to convert Medicare into a voucher system.

Said Amy's 84-year-old mother, Joan, "I must say, I really am so looking forward to getting out there on the streets of America with my little voucher and trying to find a doctor with my terrible arthritis!" she said. "But I thought, what the heck, why don't I just get a few things out of the way while I can actually pay for it on my fixed income. Silly old me!"