Unconfirmed sources hint that the Edwards-Hunter CD of holiday favorites is tentatively entitled "I'll Be Home for Christmas, If You Haven't Changed the Locks."
SPOKESWOMAN FOR for Senator John Edwards has confirmed that the scandal-plagued senator will be meeting with Rielle Hunter "for the sole and morally unambiguous purpose of recording a holiday album of favorites that Americans are sure to love."
Edwards spokeswoman Brielle Bunter, wearing a dark brown wig and large sunglasses, read from a prepared statement to announce the upcoming holiday CD.
"I wish to say here, before the world and with nothing to hide, that Senator John Edwards, and the lovely, besmirched Rielle Hunter, have decided to meet in a well-lit music studio to record a series of clean and wholesome holiday favorites.
"Being that Elizabeth Edwards is still in remission for heaven's sake, Senator Edwards did not see the harm in meeting with his strikingly lovely friend, with whom he most certainly did not father a love child. Although if he had, it would have been named Sunshine and been the most beautiful child on the face of God's green earth."
Ms. Bunter went on to say that, if the holiday cd were successful enough, "it might spawn a Fox Holiday Special, sure to become an annual event as beloved to the American public as the Andy Williams Christmas specials were in the 60s and 70s. How could it not? Just think of all the costume changes for that fabulous Rielle, not to mention John's shining, magnificent hair! Andy Williams' hair just didn't shine like that, did it? It just sort of sat there while he sang Silent Night. Surely the American people deserve better."
Speculations are that the Edwards-Hunter singing duo will slightly alter some classic holiday song titles to better reflect their personal experiences over the last tumultuous year. Some tentative holiday titles that have been floated are:
Away In a Mangy Hotel Room
Hark! The National Enquirer Sings
Santa Claus is Coming To Take Secret Photos
It Came Upon a Midnight Couch
Ms. Bunter said that she "just couldn't choose" between her two personal favorites, The Twelve Lays of Christmas and Breck the Halls, but promised that both would make the final cut, "or my name isn't Brielle Bunter."
© 2008 Kate Heidel
