Unable to Throw Millions Off Health Care, Republicans Head Home to Draw Inspiration from Easter Message of Resurrection

Will pray to Jesus in lieu of holding town halls.

Happy Easter
photo credit: Don McCullough

EPUBLICANS, frustrated at not having successfully dismantled the Affordable Care Act before Easter, intend to regroup while at home and, as Representative Mark Meadows of North Carolina said, "take our inspiration from the Lord Jesus and resurrect our mighty mission when we return to Washington."

Meadows, the current Chairman of the House Freedom Caucus, admitted that keeping health insurance intact for 24 million Americans was "a failure of leadership on our part," but said his party "remains undaunted. Like Jesus, we will rise again, maybe not to start a world religion, but to free Americans from the tyranny of reliable health insurance coverage. Lord knows this goes against everything our great nation stands for!"

Congressional Republicans plan to hold a Good Friday teleconference, says Meadows, "to pray and pray and pray, and then to brainstorm Jesus-like ways of resurrecting our own, superior health plan before Congress.

"Our plan will give Americans the freedom to live their natural life span until God calls them home," Meadows explained. "Which in some cases may be a lot sooner than expected, but we are not here to question God's timetable, the way blaspheming Obamacare does."

Meadows easily brushed off critics who are calling for Republicans to face their constituents over Easter break by holding town halls.

"Let me tell you, these town-hall rabble-rousers are like the money-changers in the temple, and we are like Jesus driving them out. It is a miracle how many times that analogy has gone to bat for me. Praise Jesus!"