Sees no reason to doubt J. P. Morgan Chase CEO.
N YESTERDAY'S testimony before the Senate Banking Committee, J. P. Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon did more than promise that the bank's recent loss of two to three billion dollars was an "isolated event" that would never happen again. He also testified at some length as to the existence of the magical tooth fairy.
As with all of Dimon's testimony since the financial crisis of 2008, members of the Senate Banking Committee were quite receptive to his tooth-fairy assertions.
Senator Jim DeMint (R-S.C.) said after the hearing, "There is every reason to accept the possibility that the tooth fairy does, in fact, exist if Mr. Dimon says it does. I am prepared to take his word on the matter. In fact, I am more confident than ever that it was not my parents who put money under my pillow, but the tooth fairy, who left magical fairy money instead. I'm not sure, but I'll bet that's good for the economy," the senator added.
Mr. Dimon, who said that Dodd-Frank regulations would choke J. P. Morgan's ability to do business, assured the committee that the hedging practice that just cost the bank billions "will never happen again, just as I am sure that the tooth fairy exists and brings coins to little girls and boys who have carefully placed their baby teeth under the pillow at night."
His curiosity aroused, Senator Bob Corker (R-Tenn.) asked a pointed question about Dimon's tooth-fairy claims.
"Are you saying, Mr. Dimon, that the tooth fairy comes to individual homes around the world? How is that possible, if you don't mind my asking?" said the senator.
"Not at all, Senator Corker," began Mr. Dimon. "Just like our Christmas friend with the jolly laugh and bag of toys, the tooth fairy is a magical creature who can fly all around the world and leave modest sums of coinage in any denomination under little children's pillows," explained the chief executive.
"I'll take your word for it, then," replied Senator Corker, who then asked the Committee Chairman, Tim Johnson (D-S.D.), to close the session, "seeing how we've got all our answers."
Next week, Mr. Dimon is scheduled to testify before the House Finance Committee, where he is expected to discuss J. P. Morgan Chase's remedial solutions, as well as the existence of the Easter bunny.
© 6.14.12 Kate Heidel
