Kellyanne Conway Insists She Is 'Just Saying Things' And 'Not Meaning Things'

"You really don't need to write any of this down," says presidential counselor.

Kellyanne Conway
photo credit: Philip Cohen

RESIDENT TRUMP'S former campaign strategist and current Counselor, Kellyanne Conway, is trying to quell the outcry over her recent statements to reporter Chuck Todd on NBC's Meet the Press, during which she claimed that Press Secretary Sean Spicer was providing the world with "alternative facts" to supplant actual, objective facts.

"I can't believe we're even talking about this," said Ms. Conway in a follow-up phone interview with Chuck Todd.

"You really don't need to write any of this down, Chuck," she insisted. "I'm just saying things. I'm not meaning things. However, if people want to think I'm meaning things, who am I to stand in their way if they agree with me? As you know, I am just going to keep talking and talking and talking until our time is up and you have to move on to your next segment. Is our time up yet? Do I need to keep saying things and conditionally meaning them?"

Chuck Todd pressed Ms. Conway on the importance "of saying what you mean, especially when you are counseling the most powerful leader in the world and speaking to the American people," to which Ms. Conway replied, "I take my job very seriously, Chuck, a lot more seriously than 10,000 angry, single women rampaging through the streets of Washington, D.C. only one day after over two million Americans came to witness the inauguration of the youngest man ever to hold the highest office in the land."

"Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"Oh, Todd, there you go again!"

"It's Chuck, Ms. Conway. Chuck Todd."

"Chuck, Todd, whatever. All I'm saying is, we don't have time to waste on meaningless, tiny demonstrations of aimless women in tasteless knit caps when Mr. Trump is ready to take on ISIS and make them pay for a border wall that will create billions of jobs! Oh, I'm sorry, Todd, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this short. The President is paging me on my Starfleet communicator."