Secret Service Reveals It Was on Foreign-Exchange Mission in Colombia

Highly successful outcome may soon lead to worldwide deployment.

MID FIERCE criticism of a U. S. Secret Service contingent sent home from Colombia, a spokesman for the elite presidential protection service has confirmed that what looked like a bunch of guys partying with a group of prostitutes was actually a top-secret foreign-exchange mission between the U.S. and Colombian governments.

The mission, according to the spokesman, was intended "to foster positive relations between the U. S. and our neighbors to the south by trading customs, traditional greetings, and other manner of social communion" that would, in turn, "make future diplomacy efforts more productive."

Colombia's foreign-exchange contingent, all of whom "just happened to be vivacious women under thirty," provided the U.S. with, according to the Secret Service statement, "invaluable insights into the Colombian culture, including monetary and trade practices, etiquette relating to gender, and a wide variety of body-language cues to indicate complex business and social transactions."

Far from being an embarrassment to the Secret Service, the elite agency believes that the Colombian foreign-exchange mission "ensured that the United States will always be welcomed with open arms by the Colombian people, at least those who are female, vivacious, and under thirty."

In closing, the spokesman said the Secret Service would use the Colombian mission "as a model for other foreign-exchange missions" and that the agency looked forward "to implementing the Colombian model across the globe as soon as humanly possible."