"This way, you won't be able to pull a win from my cold, dead hands."
ORM COLEMAN, EX U. S. Senator from Minnesota who lost the state's constitutionally mandated recount and then lost the judges' recount on his appeal, says that the only way "to keep the good fight going" is to stipulate in his last will and testament that his appeals must continue "even when I have become an ex person. What's one more 'ex' when the future of our country is at stake?" argued Mr. Coleman.
Dismissing claims that he is stalling as long as possible to prevent Democrat Al Franken from being seated in the U.S. Senate, and thus move the Democrats closer to a filibuster-proof majority, Coleman stated, "if it were any other Democratic winner of the mandated recount and the judges' recount, I would do exactly as I am doing now. The will of the people has not been honored, and I intend to fight to my last breath and beyond to find the votes that are probably hidden under Al Franken's mattress. But now that I said that, they're just going to move them around. So you can see this is going to take awhile."
Aside from the protracted election process ensuring that "no one knows as well as I do what it feels like to be a loser," Mr. Coleman added that the marathon contest had also done "irreparable damage to my home life," citing in particular "the strain on my wife's lovely face from having to look pained on TV a lot. Those frown lines are really digging in, and I blame the Democrats."
Should Mr. Coleman win the contest only after his demise, he designates in his will "whoever is the next Republican governor of Minnesota" to decide which local Republican politician should serve as the ex Senator's stand-in.
"I can't leave it up to a Democratic governor," stressed Mr. Coleman. "They'd probably call an election, and that would thwart the will of the good people of Minnesota."
© 4.13.09 Kate Heidel
