CNN's Spitzer Provides Invaluable Client #9 Expertise to Strauss-Kahn Case

Former New York Governor's field experience is the envy of competing broadcasters.

IEWERS TUNING in to CNN may have noticed last week that former Governor Eliot Spitzer—also known as the "difficult" Client #9 of a high-end prostitution ring—energetically participated in discussions about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the now-former IMF chief accused of sexually assaulting a hotel maid.

"That was no mistake," confirmed a CNN producer. "When we have experts on our staff, we like to use them. And no one is more of an expert on wildly inappropriate sexual behavior in a hotel room than our very own Eliot Spitzer."

As an experienced former john, Mr. Spitzer gives CNN the distinct edge of being able to dissect the psychology of men like Strauss-Kahn, and get to the heart of what Spitzer himself called "our insatiable need to be a-holes while holding powerful office."

And Spitzer, also New York's former Attorney General, is uniquely qualified to analyze the finer legal points involved in Strauss-Kahn's case, including the multiple charges at issue, the various plea options available, and how the former IMF leader can somehow manage to avoid indictments altogether and land a high-paying T.V. gig instead of a prison term.

"This and more makes Eliot an invaluable asset to our CNN family," noted the producer.

In a related story, CNN would not confirm rumors that Eliot Spitzer might be going undercover as part of an exposé on the sexual dangers for women hired as household help for the families of powerful men, a project inspired by the scandal involving Arnold Schwartzenegger.

"All I'll say is that Eliot wants to interview as many female household staff members as he can get his hands on," said the CNN producer. "He's got the fire in the belly on this one."

The producer went on to say that Mr. Spitzer gave CNN "the clear edge" on sex-scandal stories that competing networks envied.

"Eliot Spitzer was on top of the Schwartzenegger story before anyone else," boasted the CNN producer. "He's developed a sixth sense for when a sex scandal will break. He also knows what the personal fallout will be, and how the man at the center of the controversy can turn his mess into a seven-figure cash cow."