Clooney Fiancée Scores As 'Grossly Unqualified' in Survey of Earth's Women

Females from all corners of globe in agreement.

George Clooney TIFF 2011
photo credit: Ed Van-West Garcia

EORGE CLOONEY observers are expressing concerns over the viability of a marriage between the handsome actor and his choice of fiancée after results from a large survey found that Clooney's betrothed, thirty-six-year-old, Lebanese-born Amal Alamuddin, is "grossly unqualified" to be Mrs. George Clooney.

The survey sought answers from women around the globe on numerous measures of Ms. Alamuddin's suitability for marriage to Mr. Clooney. A sample of questions appearing on the survey included:

- How will Ms. Alamuddin's attractiveness hold up next to George Clooney's on various red carpets?

- Do you feel Ms. Alamuddin is displaying an appropriate level of humility in being the woman George Clooney proposed to, especially after his recent affair with an extremely hot Italian model?

- How quickly do you think Ms. Alamuddin would return to her pre-baby body should she give George Clooney a child?

- How likely is Ms. Alamuddin to sign a pre-nup?

- How gracefully do you think Ms. Alamuddin will step aside for the inevitable new woman in George Clooney's life?

One of the survey's designers admitted to being somewhat disappointed in the results.

"Although we know the marriage can't last, because the way of the Universe necessitates that George Clooney must move on," he said, "we would like to think this marriage might at least get off to a strong start, and produce one or more children who will be at the center of future bitter custody battles."

Women who participated in the survey took full advantage of the comment field that appeared at the end of the questionnaire, using it to express their displeasure with Ms. Alamuddin in more detail, with one notable exception.

"One woman who said she was from Nairobi wished the couple so much happiness and good fortune that we flagged it as a possible hoax," said the survey designer. "We ended up tracing it back to an Italian villa in Laglio on Lake Como."